Trying not to panic

The Farmer collapsed this morning.

We were up early and never got as far as outside when he slumped on to a chair in the kitchen then on to the floor.
His colour was ashen and he said his arms and chest were sore.

I phoned for an ambulance and it seemed to take ages to arrive but they bundled him up and took him away - miles away, to the huge hospital in Dundee.

Our little boy and I stood outside watching the ambulance disappear and I felt stunned at what had just happened and did not know what to do.

He was going to feed the cattle. We must go and feed the cattle.

I got the little one dressed and muffled up (it is cold, wet and quite raw outside) but I forgot to wrap up warmly myself. We met with my eldest son and told him what happened then we all fell silent for a bit trying to make sense of things and get our heads into working mode.

We got the silage into the cattle without spearing any of them or being attacked. No calfs yet.

We then went to the sheep 'nursery' and checked on Bramble's new twin lambs who were born yesterday. They are lovely.

Once the work was done, I felt rising panic. The farm did not seem right without The Farmer there.

We returned home to try and make a plan to delegate the work he would have been doing. There is so much happening just now and we have been working steadily, fields ploughed, fencer booked, etc but there are fields to be sown, limed, reseeded and everything in a very short space of time.
Trying to surf with the seasons, catching the wave.

I phoned the ward and they let me speak to him - he sounded so tired.

I will go down to Dundee tonight and bring him fresh clothes, his glasses, toothbrush and things. My eldest son is going to look after the littlie for the evening.

We miss The Farmer terribly and just want him home and well but I suspect our lives have taken a radical change of direction as from today.

And I am trying not to panic.