Captain's log: Star date 2011.
Captain James T. Kirk was lucky.
He was off on a voyage of discovery where "To boldly go where no man had ever gone before". Well, today, I want to be that man.
James T. Kirk avoided the deluge which passes as a Scottish summer, dodged bored children who pulled each other's ears, never had to do a supermarket shop with ear pulling, kicking at each other, bairns. There was no evidence of any Dog which had rolled in something 'organic' on the S.S. Enterprise.
He may even have had time to care for his appearance....
In a moment of madness, the television was switched off and the children were ordered outside to play. In the rain.
They did not play, they skulked. For all of, ooh, two minutes then came in again.
"It is wet and we heard thunder"
"Right, we will get the paint and crayons out and do potato prints". I completely lack imagination when it comes to either children's activities on a wet day or what to cook for tea each evening.
If it does not involve pasta or potato prints, then I'm scuppered.
The phone and broadband have been acting up too. Infuriating as I had several calls to make plus needed my daily fix of the news and Mumsnet.
It is raining again this morning, The Farmer is away checking the sheep and cattle, children are still asleep but will soon be up.
The fantasy for today does not include anything agricultural. The reality is that the big shed needs emptied of dung, power washed then the sheep pens set up for the shearing.
Beam me up, Scotty.