....I took a notion for a balaclava.
It is just the thing for chilly mornings and bad hair days. The main thing is that nobody sees you.
I had no idea that there were so many balaclavas out there. Most of them are for motorcyclists but alas, I will never do the ton in the Massey, so do not need a bug guard to protect my mouth.
There are balaclavas with skeleton faces and dripping zombie features printed on. Why this is needed is beyond my ken.
Or ones with just eye holes and an open bit for your mouth, leaving the wearer with a permanent look of surprise and menace. A woolly gimp mask....might scare the postman.
Then I found it.
With special ear flaps for mobile phones.
Never mind that we don't get mobile phone reception here, you could just roar and shout but your head would be warm and you would hear everything.
No zombie features or gimp masks there, just thick scratchy wool and lugs.
Ban hoodies and issue these instead.
Urban troubles sorted.