Monday, 10 January 2011

Grunge queen

Yesterday was cold and snowy. Water is still off.

I took a wild notion that we would have a restful Sunday, sitting in harmony by the fire and doing jigsaws or something.

The children were very crochety and bickered with each other. The volume of the bickering rose and it all descended into mayhem.

I had a mountain of ironing to do and get all worried if the little one comes within ten feet of the iron so I hemmed myself in behind the sofa and tried to iron in safety using bared teeth and the imminent arrival of savage bears from Russia as a deterrent.

The Farmer came in to the living room, ignored the bedlam and sat down heavily on the sofa (and the ironing...).
"I thought you might be feeling cold so I brought your woolly jumper" he said.
Despite the heat of the room, exertion from ironing and fending off little boys, I put the jumper on.

There was a massive hole in the arm.
There was a massive hole in the back of The Farmers jumper as well.

We scrutinised the damage and wondered how these holes happened. Was the damage caused by PieDog's little sharp teeth? A little boy with forbidden scissors? A mouse?

This was my very best jumper, knitted from Donegal tweed in glorious Autumn colours. I felt very glamorous when I wore it and actually felt quite bereft that it was so badly damaged. I did not have any matching wool and knew that the darn would relegate my lovely jumper into Something For Round The Farm. It would become Ordinary and grungey.

Grunge. Had the Seattle crowd picked up fashion lessons from working farmers? We have a knack of casually flinging on any old thing for work and looking like we were created from damp hessian rags. Someone once said that Marilyn Monroe would look great in a potato sack (and she proved them right) - I would just look like a hefty sack of potatoes.
We know that nobody will see us and we also know that our work clothes are going to be decorated in oomsk after the first few minutes so anything goes.

I darned my beloved jumper. The wool was the nearest in thickness and texture but sadly not in colour. I pondered as I was darning - would Courtney Love have darned Kurt Cobain's jumpers? She might have used a fishnet stocking as yarn, probably with her leg still in it. She was hardcore grunge.

I am going for the Look today. The grunge 'je ne sais quoi'. My bad hair year has a hangover and continues into this year. The hair sits like a sullen fat hen on the top of my head. I will complete the look with the freshly darned jumper and dung brown duffle.

And bright, Courtney Love red lipstick.

This doubles up as a safety feature in case I fall in the snow. The bright red lips will be an indication of where I lie. Bummer if I fall on my face.

I am predicting the 'Make do and Mend' look this year.
We will all be encased in layers of thick wool due to the winter lasting most of the year.
Hair will be 'chic messe' (that needs a French accent but I can't find one on the keyboard).
Lips will be red and double as safety features.
Footwear - sturdy wellies with added snow grippers, thick woolly socks (bonus if they match) carpet offcuts as insoles.

And Courtney Love will be beating a path to the farm begging for style tips....

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