Sunday, 16 January 2011

Home via Paris, Texas.

Colin the chameleon needed more locusts plus we had run low on soap and the like so we headed for town.

We did not get very far until it dawned on me that it was all a big Mistake and we ought to have turned back. Colin really needed locusts, though.

The children began to fight, ooh, at least 500 yards from home. I had put a pile of coats between them and gave them each a bag of 'things to do and things to eat' but they were both on form. The Farmer threw me a pained look and we journeyed on.

Parts of the road had vanished under water yet the roadsides still had thick ice so it made for a difficult drive.
We arrived just outside Perth and discovered that the police had closed the road (severe flooding) so we took a looong detour via the industrial estate. It had taken three times as long to get into town and we decided to rush the shopping then hurry home.

We stocked up with swarms of locusts, plenty of meat from the butcher (which PieDog never so much as sniffed, bless him) plus other essentials then set off home.

We got to the main roundabout and the Farmer sat in the wrong lane. I think he was slightly shell-shocked with the children, shocked at the price of everything and over tired.
"You are in the wrong lane" I said. "We need to be in the north lane"....

He took the south lane and we ended up heading down the Glasgow road.
Rather than turn round, he decided to take the back roads home. Except most of them had been closed so we took the even more back roads. The ones where There Be Dragons.

Some places, the water came up to the top of the tyres and the car made a small screech noise as if it felt out of its depth....I knew how it felt.

We were now in the back of beyond and worryingly, it was a different back of beyond to the one we lived in.
We could smell a field of turnips which had gone mushy and sour with the frost. Acres and acres of good farmland was under water and nothing looked real.

"Oh look! Paris, Texas" I was being snarky and sort of regretted being a cow. But only a little bit.

The Farmer muttered something under his breath and we crawled along at snails pace. Hours had gone by, the little one had fallen asleep, daughter was in the huff and it was now dark.
The flooding was really bad and many of the roads had large chunks out of them. Potholes on anabolic steroids.

We arrived home terribly late. The house was cold and there were hundreds of things to do, all at once. Things needed fed, watered and settled. Human and animal. A clone or two would have been handy or octopus arms.. (Send in the clones).

I caught up with the Farmer just before midnight. He had the 10,000 mile stare in his eyes and was looking zombie like.

"That journey was rough, endless and terrifying. I was worried that we would not get home"...

"Aye" is all he said.

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