Monday, 13 December 2010


There has been a good thaw and things which were submerged under feet of snow are slowly beginning to show face.

Including the farm road.

We are quite a bit off the road and have been creeping down the farm track by tractor. This compacted the snow and come the thaw, turned the track into a sheet of ice.

I was a slob today and loaded the car with sacks of feed and carrots for the sheep then drove across the sheet of ice which covered the farm yard to the sheep shed. That way, I only had to humph the sacks a couple of feet and there was minimal risk of killing myself on the ice.

I drove back to the house for buckets of water and drove back to the sheep shed, barely spilling a drop.
Of course, I now felt terribly pleased and became over confident. This was a dawdle!

Fired up with bravado, I decided to hit town and have a Panic Buy. More snow was forecast for later on in the week and we had already eaten the Christmas dinner so it seemed sensible to replace it, in case we became snowed in again for a couple of weeks.

Nothing prepared me for the horrible experience on the farm track. I crept along at about one mile per hour then felt the entire steering go light and I knew that the car was driving itself and I was merely a passenger. A very scared passenger.
There is a small incline halfway down the track and the car speeded up then it hit the really thick ruts and began to sway like a large cow going for water.
I closed my eyes and invoked every Deity that I could think of....The car finally skidded semi sideways onto the tar of the main road and came to a halt. Now that would have been uber cool in, say, Sunset Boulevard with surfer dudes watching. It lost it's street cred happening in backwater Perthshire.

I thanked all the Deities for being there, thanked them again that my children were not in the car, would have thanked my agent if I'd had one, then asked them if they would do their thang all over again because the need for Panic Buying had gone and now I wanted to go home. I may have been sobbing a bit at that point.
Like Gwyneth Paltrow.

The car was duly turned and the entire hideous excercise was repeated like a hellish Groundhog Day.

I got home and fell out of the car and tried to stuff about five cigarettes into my mouth at the same time. Eyes wild and bloodshot plus a Massive respect for Canadians and all of Scandinavia.

There is no WAY that I will go ice driving again and if we get snowed in sans turkey then the evil biting cockerel Gets It.

Later, fortified by hot sweet tea and some Dr Bach's Rescue Remedy, I went back outside and saw an icebow. It was very beautiful in a mysterious sort of way; it tried to make a proper rainbow shape but bits were missing. It lasted for hours.
I like to think it was a Sign assuring me that I had been spared (but am willing to accept an Oscar for Drama Queenery.)

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